As a Christian, marriage is a representation of your relationship with Jesus. By that I mean, the way a husband should love his wife is the way Jesus loved his church and the way a wife should submit to her husband is the way Jesus submitted to God.
Genesis 2:24: “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”
So, when my husband and I got married, we knew that God HAD to be the center of our relationship and even though we sometimes fail to put God first in our marriage, we try to make it a priority. As humans, we will fail but through God, we can do all things (Philippians 4:13).
I want to share what I have learned just in the first 6 months of our marriage and hope you are encouraged by it and learn from it.
5 Things Six Months of Marriage has Taught Me
Never go to bed angry (Ephesians 4:25-27)
You know this is important when the bible even says it haha. I didn’t want to listen to this verse at first because sometimes I was too tired or too prideful to sit and think
about how stupid the argument actually was.
What I learned was, when I went to bed angry, it brought the anger that could have been solved the day before, into my brand-new day. Instead of starting the day off fresh, I had to deal with what should have been the past.
What we do now, is take a minute to breathe first. We don’t talk yet because then you just start spewing whatever nonsense comes to mind. Breathe and think about what happened. Think about what happened from their perspective and then think about what Jesus would tell you if he was standing right there.
He would probably tell you to get over it and move onto more important things like eternal life, right?
Pray! Oh my, pray about it. Jesus CARES! He knows what you are going through but he WANTS you to talk to him about it. So pray, and don’t pray that your spouse apologizes. Pray that your heart changes to hear what your spouse is saying. Pray that God takes up the root of your anger and shows you how you can change for the better.
At this point, after we have both had a minute to breathe and pray. We are over the whole stupid argument and we remember that nothing else in this world matter but our relationship with the Lord and in that, our relationship with each other.
Philippians 3:13-14 “No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead.”
Your emotions aren’t even close to the truth
When I first got married, I let every emotion I had to control me and my thoughts. If I felt insecure in my body, I immediately thought my husband thought the same horrible thought as me. Horribly toxic, I know. I want you to keep in mind that the devil will get to you any way he can and one of his favorite ways is getting you to believe those silly little lies.
Now keep in mind that I still haven’t perfected this and I am not sure I ever will but something that has really helped me is by writing these lies down and combating them with God’s truth.
For example, if I feel insecure about my body, I would write exactly that down. Then next to it I would combat it with
1 Samuel 16:7 “But the LORD said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.”
And that is just so encouraging to me especially because THE LORD doesn’t care what I look like or if others approve of me. The Lord looks at the heart and that only makes me want to grow my relationship with Him even more.
Respect & Love
This one I actually learned in marriage counseling awhile back but it became evidently true throughout my marriage.
Women feel loved by, well, being loved and men feel loved by being respected. I don’t know why but that’s just how they are wired and it’s not a bad thing. It is just how it is so when us women say something disrespectful; they feel unloved and will probably return it with something unloving. Then it just starts a crazy cycle which then leads to a not so God-glorifying relationship. My mom always taught me to “Keep your side of the road clean” and back then I wasn’t sure what that meant but now I REALLY understand it.
Basically, it means that if someone says something to you that doesn’t sit well with you, don’t respond in the same manner they did. Respond with how it made you feel first and usually, that ends it right there. Again, we are human so sometimes it’s harder than it sounds but when you practice it then it gets easier. Meet your husband with love and go to Christ with your pain.
“We have known and have believed the love that God has for us. God is love, and those who remain in love remain in God and God remains in them.” 1 John 4:16
This verse brings me to my next point.
Everything must be done in love
1 Corinthians 16:14 “Let all that you do be done in love.”
Oh boy, this one hits home for me. If I want to bring something up to my husband, maybe something that’s been bothering me. I really need to make sure my heart is in the right place. If it comes from a heart of anger, a heart of jealousy, or anything other than love you are only going to sound like a clanging symbol as Paul says (1 Corinthians 13:1).
I definitely don’t want to sound like that nor do I want to cause an unneeded argument. So, I pray before I bring something up or if my husband brings something up to me. Again, I still have fleshly desires so I don’t always do these things. I am sure if I did then I would have a perfect marriage but sadly I am still human.
Act as if you aren’t married
Bet you didn’t think I was gonna say that huh? Well, it doesn’t exactly mean what you think it would.
The bible says “This is what I mean, brothers: the appointed time has grown very short. From now on, let those who have wives live as though they had none, and those who mourn as though they were not mourning, and those who rejoice as though they were not rejoicing, and those who buy as though they had no goods, and those who deal with the world as though they had no dealings with it. For the present form of this world is passing away.
I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband.” 1 Corinthians 7:29-34
What this means is that we need to have God as our main focus and if we do that then everything else will fall into place. Life is too short to be worried about arguments and other little things that shouldn’t matter like where something goes in my house. Or if my husband wants to do something later rather than now or about the finances. These things don’t matter! What matters is our relationship with God and how to glorify and please God.
I hope you took something good out of this or helped you in some way. I pray that God blesses your marriage and that you realize how valuable marriage actually is. We don’t randomly decide one day that we love a person enough to do these things and just somehow go through with it. It is a daily promise to ourselves and our spouse to love them unconditionally because that is what God does for us and what He has called us to do.
I recommend marriage counseling for those of you getting married soon. It took our relationship to a whole new level and brought us closer to Jesus.